Oh, and SanGayA? Fuck you and you upside down penis.
Thank you for allowing me the privilege of talking to you for HOURS ON END as you drove across the country to your new “job.” I really didn’t have anything else to do. Bar classes? Eh, whatever. They didn’t mean a thing.
And, thank you for never calling me again, even when Penny died. All that bullshit about you being the Anti-Ludge was just that…bullshit. You are just as sad and cold hearted. I would have cheated on you too, if only to give myself the chance to feel my body next to someone with a beating heart.
And, most of all, thank you for the email about the girls you’re both fucking. They will leave you, like I did. If they don’t leave you, they are more emotionally bereft than you are. Congratulations.
Also…the underside of the penis is more sensitive than the top. The surgeons must have reattached yours incorrectly. I wonder if it’s too late to send them an Edible Arrangement.
